My cat is trying to get me pregnant

Brief story of an exchange my husband and I had last weekend, but first details of the weekend. Our son came down with a “flu-like” virus over the weekend, he’s almost 2 and had a fever, cough, snot, and he was all snuggly and clingy. Of course he starts showing signs of this after his 9am gymnastics class so he’s probably spread the germs to all of them, kids are plague rats.

Sunday rolls around, it is nap time for the boy. He’s averaging about an hour and a half nap by now, just one a day. I had spent the past 24 hours having my sweet boy clinging to me as if his life depended on it and finally managed to get him down for a nap. I wanted coffee, quiet, and to relax for a few minutes while my husband saunters over to me and the following conversation occurs:

Brian (full of saunter)- So there’s a condom on my pillow, what are we going to do about it?

Me (thoroughly confused)- ……..really??? That’s your line? (meanwhile I’m wondering if he’s had a stroke)

Brian- Yeah…there’s actually a condom on my pillow though…wait, that wasn’t you?

Me- NOOOOOO. Our son has a fever, I’m tired, and I have reached my things touching me limit. Plus, why would I put a condom on your pillow?

Brian- I don’t know I just saw it there and thought you were trying to send a message.

It turns out that our cat Luna is dragging condoms out of the dish next to the bed and chewing on them. She happened to leave one on her daddy’s pillow. She likes to make him think I’m far more perverted than I actually am. She also once put a pair of my underwear in his work bag.

Cats are weird. Also Luna might be trying to get me pregnant.

No alcohol recommendation right now. Drink all the coffee, try a dirty chai latte if you can, it’s a chai latte with a shot of espresso.

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